There was a time, "50/50" relationships didn't exist. Each person involved gave 100% of their efforts toward a common goal. Both stayed in their individual lane and respected one another's position. For example; Men brought home the money, disciple the children, and handled other "Manly Duties"(yard/trash). Women made the house a home by providing the nurturing her family needed daily as well as the upkeep of the home. This arrangement worked and still works for those that can afford it.
Every person that I've known with a failed relationship felt that of "50/50" relationship was fair.
Not sure how giving less than your all was ever a realistic route to a successful relationship. When will people take a big step back and see that not giving 100% of your effort on anything you're involved in will exist on a "Half-Ass" level or fail..
Now, I am not an expert on relationships, but from hearing, seeing, and experiencing situations for myself, I can give a possible solution..
1. Have A True Understanding Of What Type Of Relationship You're In.
a) Can't get with someone and figure you will change them. Most cases you won't.
2. Understand The Role/Position You Play Within The Relationship
a)A lot of disrespect happens when there's no understanding, especially when both parties provide financially. STAY IN YOUR LANE..
3. Give A 100%
a) What you put in is what you get out..
4. Create Short-Term (3-6 month) Goal That Includes You Both.
a) Faster way to find out what a person is on.. If the goal is not met without a reason outside of the persons control, you know what it is. Only 3-6 months wasted. No locks need to be changed or personal items to gather..
Try This & Let Me Know..
I definitely agree that both partners should put in 100% to the relationship. However, I wholeheartedly disagree that men should stick to making the money, disciplining the children & doing the "male" tasks (trash, car, etc.) and women should stick to nurturing the children & home.
ReplyDeleteWhile each couple will make a different decision on what tasks they want to take on & what tasks they want to share, there is no reason men can't help cook, clean & nurture the children.
I've seen couples who share these tasks, had kids and both had successful jobs. Don't get me wrong, in the U.S. it is incredibly hard to maintain jobs and have children, since most jobs don't allow for paid, long maternity / paternity leave, as other countries do. I believe that's a huge part of the problem. Regardless of which partner takes off work to raise children & whether or not both partners do, I believe that it is essential that the male plays a part in nurturing the children and that both partners discipline.
The statement was an example of people giving 100% within their agreed roles.. Please recheck "Possible Solution" #2.
DeleteI also believe that, if the woman wants, she should maintain a job and pursue her career interests & passions. However, this does not have to happen in the college/job/kids/job way. There are many versions of a successful job & kids life, and that depends on the woman & her goals & interests, as well as that of her partners. I know so many mothers & partners who could not survive without a job and it's not even a question to stay home - especially single mothers.
ReplyDeleteOf the women I know who have jobs and are independent economically, all have boyfriends, husbands, or have had them in the past/are dating. Their independence was not a threat to their male partners. Those women who I know who are single are single for other reasons - relationships not working out (but not related to them being economically independent) or wanting to be single for a while.
I & my female friends agree - being independent & single can be hard, but will help us in the long run. If we end up breaking up with a partner/lover, we will be able to get back on our feet. Not everything works out in this world, that's just how it goes. We are not interested in men who want us to be dependent on them. Some of us do seek some economic security in a partner, but more than anything, we seek emotional & relational security in a partner. We seek someone who will be a friend, a lover and supportive of our interests & our love. If we want to be mothers, we also seek someone who will help parent our children - both as nurturers & disciplinarians (when necessary).
Thanx for sharing but feel you've TOTALLY misunderstood the post.. Once more, I would direct you to "Possible Solutions" #2.
DeleteThus, as economically independent women (more or less, because of course there are times when we might not be as economically successful or there are some of us who do wish to stay home with the children for a few years), we can focus what is really important in a partner - love, understanding, respect, commitment, etc. This brings the relationship to another level and makes it not just about money or sex. Thus, we also have the power to say no to men who don't respect us and don't see us as an equal.
ReplyDeleteIf both partners work, of course they have to find time for each other and yes, this is not always easy. But, for a relationship to be successful, both partners should have somewhat full lives outside the relationship - friends, hobbies & hopefully a job. When they spend time together, it is focused on appreciating each other. If they spend all their time together, instead of also doing things separately w/ friends & at work, they start to take each other for granted and not really make their time together special.
Some might point to "millionaire men" who have homemaker wives as success. I would never consider this success, for my own reasons - mostly because I would want a partner who doesn't work that much and who doesn't put so much value on money, but those are my own thoughts. In addition, the millionaire lifestyle is so outside the realm of what is normal for most people; it's not attainable for the normal person (besides the rare exceptions). But otherwise, I think it's not fair for a woman to stay at home while her man is out working, unless, of course she wants to. My version of a successful lifestyle & relationship involves both partners working, having hobbies & friends outside the relationship, but also working to spend important time together just focused on the relationship.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if someone does think the millionaire lifestyle is successful & desirable, they should look to Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook. She is a "career" woman, very high-earning (not sure if she's a millionaire or not), has a husband who also has a job & has kids. She admits it wasn't always juggling all, but she did it & encourages other women to do the same. Her husband is not threatened by her success because he has his own successful ventures and his own identity. Check this article out for more: http://ideas.time.com/2013/03/07/confidence-woman/
Again, the post is NOT about hindering a woman's independence. It's about giving 100% within you're role during the relationship. You're thoughts on "Women's Independence" is clear but does not pertain to this particular post. Thanx for your time.
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